to my far away family and friends

My email has been loaded with questions mostly from my far away friends and family who only had partial knowledge of my situation:

I'll need to explain the complex decision making progress at another time but in a nutshell: the limited options here in the US due to FDA regulations, health insurance coverage and doctor expertise led me to begin extensive research and ultimately choose Artificial Disk Replacement with the world's leading doctor in this area. I believe this is my best chance at long term health. If this doesn't work then nothing will and that will be that. I won't have to second guess anything.

I will be in Straubing, Germany until March 2nd. I should be 5-7 days in the hospital and 5-7 at the hotel with my aunt Jean. I haven't been able to spend quality time with my aunt in years and really am looking forward to that. She's my dad's youngest sister so we can laugh and share our memories of him. Dave was so squeamish when I had my kids that I really didn't think he was the best person to come with me - he's wonderful in every other way but neither one of us felt compelled for him to go. My mom will be here with the kids while he keeps working. And lord knows we need that since this surgery/travel is $50K paid up front and out of pocket. We are appealing insurance but precedent is not looking good for reimbursement.

This is a serious and major surgery. Recovery time is LONG. There will be a vertical incision in my abdomen (because the artificial disks are inserted through the front). I won't be driving for at least 4 weeks. It can be a year or more before I'm feeling whatever my new normal will be. I will never run a marathon but I hope that I can wake up and get out of bed without feeling the severe pain I feel now. Some days it brings me near tears to get out of my bed. Most days its not quite that bad but the pain is always there. Today there is rain and I've been in very bad shape since yesterday because of that. It's hard to be upbeat and positive and smiling and hold a family together when you feel this way. It literally sucks the life out of you. I hope I can stop faking my smiles and truly feel good again someday.